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How much to meet before the wedding?

Consulting people for more than a year, I periodically come across this question: “How much do you need to meet before the wedding?” I have heard hundreds of stories that allowed me to form my opinion on this matter. This will not be a recipe for family happiness, but it may save you from some illusions.

When a client or client comes to me and starts talking about their relationship, the first thing I’m interested in is the history of their relationship, as well as the term. And you know

when I hear that the relationship is 4-5-7 years old and the couple are not yet married, I consider this an alarming symptom. Something in this relationship is wrong!

Of course, I’m interested in which of the two does not want marriage? As a rule, a man does not want to, but it happens the other way around (but very, very rarely). It is logical! After all, it is a man who offers his hand and heart, offering to marry him. And the woman chooses or rejects this offer. A woman always chooses, and a man can only offer.

What is wrong in a relationship before the wedding?
And here you can find out a lot of interesting things about relationships in a couple. It often turns out that such conversations in a pair periodically arose, but always came to naught. The man deftly moved the conversation in a different direction, giving various arguments, arguments, and talking about grandiose plans for the future. Or he reacted sharply, making it clear that he was “pressed, and he does not intend to endure pressure”

Time passed, the woman tried less and less to raise this issue, so that God forbid spoiling the relationship, or believed in a bright, but very distant and foggy future, which her man painted for her. So years could pass, and a woman even began to believe that their cohabitation is such a modern form of marriage, and the seal in the passport does not mean anything, or just ruin everything.

If a “stamp” does not mean anything, then what is the problem of putting it? And if the press in the passport is able to destroy the relationship, then what is the relationship?

Dear young ladies, if you are reading this text, don’t be so naive and stop cheating yourself!

According to my observations, “protracted relationships” (5 years or more), when a man “surrenders” and agrees to marriage under the pressure of a woman, are more likely doomed to collapse. But maybe your case will be the exception? Who knows?..

So how much to meet before the wedding?
Let’s immediately decide that marriage is not an end in itself! Marriage is a form of relationship between a man and a woman (I will write in the old fashion, bearing in mind heterosexual orientation). So,

marriage is a logical and natural continuation of an established relationship!

First, people get to know each other, take a closer look, communicate, meet, go through the so-called “flower-candy period”. Then people enter into an intimate relationship, thus becoming closer. Then they introduce their partner to their close circle, becoming a couple in the eyes of those around them. They can meet periodically at this time, or decide to start living together, it all depends on the situation and moral principles. Their status at this time is a couple. Usually, no one takes an oath of allegiance at this time, hoping that this option is by default. But now is not about that! And having met in the status of a couple for a while, people decide that they are ready to connect their lives, are ready to make the final choice and create a family, and later have children.

Marriage is the transition from the status of a couple to the status of husband and wife.

How long do you need to look at a partner before the wedding?
In my opinion,

The optimal time to consider a person, to know him in various life situations – in the region of two years.

This is not a strict rule, perhaps you are an extremely insightful person who has learned to understand people, and therefore is able to learn about a person in less time. God, as they say, to help! In the first year, there is a big risk of being mistaken, because “hormones”, a feeling of love ”, passion and your projections have a strong and even excessive influence on an adequate perception of a partner. But I sincerely do not understand that one can still find out about a person after 3 years of dating?

For three years you cannot answer the question for yourself: “Is this person suitable for me as a husband or wife? Do I want to live with him (with her)? Am I ready to have children with this person? ”

Let’s be honest, you do not want a family with this person!

Should a relationship end in marriage?
You might think that I insist that all relationships should end in marriage? Absolutely not! The relationship of lovers can last as long as you like, while it suits both, while both voluntarily use each other. Whether to continue to remain in the status of a couple, cohabiting and being lovers, while leading a certain life together, will be decided only by you! Want to? You are welcome! Do you want to or changed your partner? So, it’s time to end this relationship!

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