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Uncertainty before the wedding: the opinion of a psychologist

Many couples think that a wedding is the peak in a relationship you want to strive for, or the finish line, followed by a reward – unlimited happiness. A successful marriage really brings joy and harmony, but many couples still have doubts about the correctness of a fateful choice. Zankyou decided to seek the help of professionals and ask them to comment on this problem.

We advise you to take a deep breath, relax and read the advice of a specialist from the Center for Positive Psychology of Valencia. We tried to understand what makes you doubt your decision.

Public opinion
Specialists remind that a person is a social being, and therefore he is very worried about what others think. Before making an important decision, we try to protect ourselves and often turn to the advice of others. Thus, some of us become dependent on other people’s opinions and lose our ability to make decisions independently. “The problem arises when the need for social recognition outweighs self-confidence and weakens self-esteem,” says Beatrice Valera. And confidence in their own choice, in turn, is of great importance in the life of every person and affects the feeling of security.

At the decisive moment, the accumulated doubts make themselves felt. According to the psychologist, “we all experience the same fears – the fear of not being recognized and the alarming attempts to find our place in the world.” Moreover, when you find yourself in the spotlight, everyone will try to evaluate your decisions, which may provoke doubts about yourself and the correctness of your choice.

Low self-esteem

“Often people don’t want to analyze the negative situations they face, but such an analysis only contributes to the formation of an adequate self-esteem and self-confidence,” Beatrice Valera believes. In the head of any person who is preparing to marry, the following question arises: am I ready to connect my life with this particular person, and is it too soon / late that I decided?

Experts at the Center for Positive Psychology recommend turning pessimistic thoughts into positive ones. How? Focus on the merits of your partner and the qualities that attracted you. “If you still decide to permanently make your loved one a part of your life, it makes sense to gather strength and look fear in the face. Think about the future of your couple, about your well-being and your feelings, but not about what others will say, ”says Beatrice Valera. Do not let pessimistic thoughts prevail over you and your life.

Obsessive questions
In the thoughts of those who recently decided to marry, many other questions arise. What will people think? How will the ceremony go? Will guests like it? As you can see, a paradox has arisen: such questions contradict the need to ignore the outside negative opinion about which we wrote above. But the point is this: people have always been prone to competition. “From time immemorial, man has always been in a state of struggle. He had to prove that he was the best to survive. Therefore, many people also perceive the wedding day as an opportunity to become better and compare themselves with others. Sometimes the bride and groom seem to say: “We are confident in our own strength and have a lot of positive qualities,” explain the specialists of the Center for Positive Psychology.

If you have already made a choice, then you will only listen to the opinion of your environment in order to get support and once again establish yourself in the correctness of your decision. “But if you do not have sufficient internal strength to not pay attention to the negative, then you can always seek help from specialists who will help you work on your self-esteem. By concentrating on your own strengths and improving your objective flaws, you can truly accept yourself over time, ”concludes Beatrice Valera.

Have you already felt more confident? If not, then re-read this article, mentally listing your own positive qualities. So you will find confirmation that you can completely trust your decision, and doubts will disappear by themselves. You will see!

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