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About Love … and the difficult rules of its preservation

Short report of one consultation.

Request: “We have been dating for 2 years, we still can’t live together. Are planning. He says that he loves me very much. And not only says, instantly responds to all my requests. So do I. We have very kind and, it seemed to me, sincere close relations. Now I found out that he has a relationship with another girl. He went on a business trip, and I found out that she went there to him. I was in shock. Why? After all, everything is fine with us. He always shows that he is well with me. And I love him very much, there is always a lot of tenderness between us. Like doves … And suddenly this …
I am very, very bad. I do not know what to do. I could hardly resist the sobbing calls or evil sms there to him. I could hardly resist an even more stupid desire to call or write to that girl (I have her phone number). I feel so bad that I want to howl. And he, as always, sends SMS – in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, how is he doing there, that he kisses and misses. I don’t understand anything, I don’t know – what to do with this knowledge about him, about his other relationships? I am glad that I can come to you, ask – why so? why is it against the backdrop of warm relations? How can I say – that I love more than life, I want to make you happy … And do that?
I do not know what to do…”

There were many tears, grief too. I listened carefully to everything. Gently supported the girl. She told her many different kind words, emphasized that – she can be very, very much loved, etc …

When she calmed down a little, I praised and admired her endurance – her desire to solve the situation not instantly, not under the influence of feelings, but through my head.

We turned to her main question: Does he love me? (under which a simple female request was hidden: I really want him to love me faithfully, and the request was also added to this desire – teach me how to do it).

(… well, yes … we believe that I “know” how to do it … because I’m older! Yes, and it’s true, I’m older and already know a lot – and I know for a long time … because I also asked my questions to the people whom I believed: I also sincerely once believed that my grandmother KNOWS how to do this, and her advice, her life philosophy, a person with three classes of central vocational schools (literally) never let me down. She hasn’t been there for a very long time , and I do and do everything, since she taught me …)

I asked the girl – what does it mean, from her point of view, to love? And then – what does it mean to love, in terms of her boyfriend?

And here a small hitch arose: When she told, as if from the words of the guy, I asked her – and did she ask the guy? And she agreed – what kind of “love” would they both have for them?

Not in order to sacrifice something important in their understanding, but in order that everyone can simply know well what is important to the other. And he could do it for another. If ready.

Because in this discussion you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will not want to give up something, and therefore, when asking direct questions, you need to wait for unambiguous answers. Which, not always, may be the ones you are waiting for.

And now you have a question – are you ready to do this: carefully discuss everything and carefully agree with your boyfriend about how you would like to receive and give your love to each other?

Let’s look at the situation: you love him very much, he also loves you very much. He is very gentle with you, he does a lot for you. And you are ready for him, almost to give his life. Only he looks at his freedom a little differently. And you do not believe that with a different view of freedom, relations with other women, you can generally love. You do not believe that “so” he loves you.

What will you do – with such a loved one?

……… ??????????

Again, a long long conversation about the fact that – yes, she has every right to her idea of ​​love, and in her life she can get exactly that love that she believes in, which pleases.

How? Firstly, you need to be a value in the eyes of a man, to work for this own value (qualities of an elite woman) all your life, as well as to be able to know and not merge your own life values.

Yes, you need to have the strength to uphold your values: talk about them out loud and look for the person who will be ready to respect these values.

– Have you ever talked about this (about your idea of ​​love and about the desire to receive it in the form of mandatory fidelity) with your man? Have you tried to explain all this to him in terms of importance for you and, in general, in terms of importance for those human relationships that are created at a different moral level – at a different level of closeness, understanding and support, and which you want to create in your life? Did you make efforts, help your man move to this other level of understanding of the world? Did you do anything for this? Have you thought about how to help him take on the obligations of a man? Have you ever discussed this: the obligations of Men and Women?

– … I didn’t think about it at all, everything had to happen somehow by itself .. FEMALE RESPONSIBILITIES – I didn’t think in that way … I probably hoped for love, that love would do all this, would protect us.

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About Love ... and the difficult rules of its preservation
Short report of one consultation. Request: “We have been dating for 2 years, we still can’t live together. Are planning. He says that he loves me very much. And not…

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